Hello Friends.
The weird thing is, I don't think I've
listened to the radio in years. I've heard podcasts and all day music
channels and other people's iTunes at parties and things, but I can't
say I've made a conscious effort to listen to the radio proper. Even
in the car, Dr. Jon just uses his small booklet of CDs that he calls
Travelling Music, which is cute. Anyway, all of this is to say that I
really shouldn't know who Taylor Swift (one of the most frequently
played performers on commercial radio) is, but of course I do.
According to Wikipedia, Taylor Swift
has sold 22 million records and is the recipient of over 50 million
digital downloads. She's won Academy of Country Music Awards,
Bilboard Music Awards, Grammy Awards, and induction into the
Songwriters Hall of Fame. She's appeared on CSI, as host and musical
guest of Saturday Night Live, and on the cover of Vogue. She has
released only four albums. This year she will turn just twenty-three
years old. She's got a lot going for her, to be sure, but an enormous
weight on her shoulders. I can't imagine what kind of pressure she's
under, but I do know what it's like to turn twenty-three. I've been
doing it myself for almost seven years.
Dream: Get a letter to Taylor Swift.
Goal: Achievable. I used to work in an
office building who's seventh floor was taken up by Sony Music
Canada. This guy who worked there presented himself to me as a real
mover-and-shaker with the company. Every time he'd see me in the
lobby or cafe in the building, he'd say, "Hey, James! Wanna get
snacks together?" I never occasioned to take him up on his
offer, but when I mentioned my desire to contact Taylor Swift, he
told me he could get some fan mail directly to her. I was ectastic
and handed off my letter, but then was shocked to find out that
Taylor Swift wasn't even on the Sony Music label. I wrote my friend
an angry note, telling him I had wasted my time.
So he calls me up and he's like, "I
misled you" and I'm like, I'm just... This is exhausting, you
know, like, we are never getting snacks together. Like ever.
Plan:
Post this letter on my blog anyway, and hope she gets it. Here goes.
Dear
Taylor Swift,
How
are you? Like how are you really?
Because I have to tell you, it doesn't sound like you're having a
whole lot of fun. Admittedly, I'm not familiar with your entire
canon, as it were. I don't know all of your songs, but I know the big
hit singles. Now I'm no expert in psychology or relationships, but it
sounds like you invest a lot of time and energy into boys who don't
treat you very well. Or rather, turns out they don't know to treat
you, and you end up hurt. Drag-race, Taylor Swift! But you're a young
girl who's only been with young guys and guess what? Young guys
don't know shit! You released your first album of heartbreak songs
when you were fifteen! You know what I remember about my
contemporaries when I was fifteen? Dudes lighting their farts. My
point is, you've got to keep things in perspective. Look at all you
have! Look at the audience of young, young girls just waiting to hear
what you have to say! I'm not saying you shouldn't sing about your
crushes and your relationships, but why not a song about how awesome
it is to be healthy, happy, and never have to wait in line for a
table at Swiss Chalet because they're all, "Right this way, Miss
Swift?" Enjoy yourself, because this fame won't last forever,
something for which you should be grateful! If your fame lasted
forever, what would become of your life?
I
know it's not an apt comparison, really, but you make me think of
Michael Jackson, and not just because of your girlish laugh and
lilly-white skin. You are both obscenely famous, to the point where
it must be impossible for you to go to the grocery store, ride a bus
somewhere, or puke on the play structure of your elementary school
late one night because your friend snuck some wine coolers out of his
parents' fridge. As I have only a cursory familiarity with your
music, the same is true for me and MJ. I know the singles, I even had
a cassette of his once, but I can't say I'm the huge superfan like
other people. And yet, since his death, I've been so fascinated by
his life in an anthropological sort of way. I definitely have lost
many a night to YouTube documentaries about the bizarre, isolated,
megalomaniacal style of his final years. Here was a guy so famous for
his whole fucking life that he never learned how to really live.
There's no doubt that fame translates to power, even if the most
powerful people aren't neccesarily famous, but that must mean that
there's no one around to tell you no. As in, no, in light of the
charge that you molested children, I wouldn't advise that you turn
your backyard into a free amusement park. No, I won't administer
emergency room calibur sedatives to you every night to help you fall
asleep. No, I can't recommend that you bleach your skin and hack your
face to such an altered and frightening state that you are virtually
unrecognizable from your former self. There's something classically
tragic about the Jackson downfall, he's like King Lear with a
sequined glove, and I'm sure it's a long way off for you, Taylor
Swift. All the same, though, I hope you don't have an ever expanding
circle of friends and family in your direct employ. I hope there's no
authority figure standing over you demanding that you practice again
and again until you get it right because otherwise your family will
starve. I hope your support system is truly supportive and that the
people closest to you find you every so often and say, "You know
you can stop if you want to."
If
I could write just one paragraph to you, Swifty, it would be this
one. You need to try to wean yourself off of the validation of
recognition and awards. I read recently that you were "completely
blown away!" by your nominations to something called the MTV
Europe Music Awards. "I was jumping up and down and screaming!"
you told one publication. Were you? Why? You've won everything, you
confound 2012 expectations of the music industry because you are so
universally likeable and marketable, you have fragrances and cosmetic
contracts and tribute albums and sold out tours, what could be
gleaned from another trophy? If it's disingenuous, that's obnoxious,
T. If you're not actually psyched to get an MTV Europe Music Award
but you lied and said you jumped up and down and screamed, you're not
fooling anyone. But if you did jump up and down and scream, that
makes me feel sad, new Friend. I want you to jump up and down and
scream because your friend got that promotion at work and now she can
finally afford to get her own apartment and you can have sleepovers!
I want you to jump up and down and scream because Jesse's Girl is
playing at the dance and it's absolutely your favourite song right
now. Or you find an outfit at a store that fits perfectly and it's on
sale! Or you beat your personal best on your morning run by a full
minute! Or you beat a longtime rival at chess, finally! Or just as
your telling a friend about this new tv show you just started
watching, you idly flip channels and find a marathon! Of that show!
The one you were just talking about! AAAAAH!!!
I
don't know why it's so important that I write you. I don't think
you're a bad role model at all, I love how you write your own songs
and play guitar and you don't dress trampy. And I hope it's not
sexist on my part to want to counsel you over, say, Justin Bieber,
who is in roughly the same position in terms of fame and influence.
Maybe it's because he will be allowed more indescretions in his
personal life than you will because he's a dude. Or maybe because he
can sell records with a catchy tune, but you've become known for your
songwriting and so must always produce a compelling lyric. Or maybe
it's because JB's stock and trade is in swagger, and yours is
vulnerability. So often you seem heartbroken over a boy, or giddy
over an award, and I want to you to be a strong, kick-ass woman who
takes praise, criticism, even a break-up in stride. Be a goddamn
rockstar, Taylor Swift, and change the world. You've caught our
collective ear. Make us listen.
Your
friend,
James
James
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