Thursday, 21 March 2013

What I Know for Sure...

Hello Friends.

While it is not the actual definition of the term, it's conventional wisdom that defines insanity as repeating the same action over and over again expecting a different result. I understand how that applies, but I wonder if it makes us all a little mad, sometimes.

For instance, in terrible bouts of vanity, I will occasionally get that little area between my eyebrows waxed by a hairdresser, as I did last weekend. It is not especially painful, and any stinging I experience I attribute to the fact that this method works far better than tweezing the affected area or swiping at it with a razor. The problem is that I'm so satisfied with with the soft and smooth patch of skin that I can't stop poking at it and fingering it, which I'm sure looks super-attractive and also, it gives me pink eye. This has happened before and it's happening again. I had to buy pink eye medicine at the pharmacy today, like the mother of a filthy four-year-old. It's like I'm being punished for my narcissism. Once, the day before a first date, I decided to go tanning, thinking the results were instantaneous. I emerged from my infrared coffin looking as pale as ever, dissatisfied with the experience. The next day, I went on a date with a pleasant enough fellow who looked at me over our third cup of coffee and said, "Sorry, but is your skin getting darker?" The point is, I pay for my vanity, and I always forget.

Dream: Stop forgetting simple truths I always forget.

Goal: Achievable. I know this is an asinine premise, but it bears repeating. I'm trying, as I get older, not to have such hard opinions on things. See more shades of grey, be more open to new ideas. Having said that, there are a few things I know for sure. Or at least I think I do.

Plan: Write down a few truisms so I have a public record of things I know to be true now, if not forever:

  • Having not consumed much of either, I'm still pretty sure marijuana does far less harm than energy drinks
  • You can tell a great deal about a person based on the way they treat a waitress
  • Fat people know that they are fat
  • Bars with a lot of people in them are loud and there is often nowhere to sit
  • Winter is longer and colder than you think it will be. Christmas is not the end of winter, nor even really the midpoint
  • Someone you know really well is going through hard times you know nothing about
  • Stress is healthy and essential, but it will kill most of us
  • Shop for clothes with a well-built friend and prepare for an afternoon of hating yourself
  • It is more awe-inspiring and humbling to consider the world we live in resulting from random permutations of science than the intentional acts of a God
  • Nothing is funnier than a person in a place falling off of thing
  • The popcorn and the coke combined will cost more than movie ticket
  • Some people are legitimately hard done by, but some other people are assholes
  • A house without books in it is not a home

That might be it. If you asked me at 19 what I might know at 29, I think I'd guess at a longer list than this, but there you have it. Maybe this is one of those things where the more you learn, the less you know. I raise what's left of my eyebrows at that notion, for it seems insane to me.

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